What is Real Beauty?

 

What does real beauty me to you?  Forget about what anyone has ever told you and think about it for a second.  Sure they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  But if you believe yourself to be ugly, does it really matter what the beholder thinks? Sure they say that beauty is only skin deep.  But if you value yourself only by how you look, then how deep is it really for you? It has been noted that with the invention of photoshop, women (and men) who appear on magazines and billboards, no longer resemble real life human beings.  Nobody is that skinny, good looking, well put together or simply prefect.  However due to this, it has sent a message where men and women are trying to reach a certain level of beauty that really doesn't exist.  The average woman is not a size 0-4 and the average man does not down a six pack on his stomach.  However, when one doesn't understand these facts, the ability to take the quest for perfect beauty, might send you down a rabbit hole that goes to deep.  

Hedi Montag is a perfect example of this.  She made sensational headlines the day she decided to undergo 10 plastic surgeries in one day!  If you look at her before and after pictures, sure you notice a bit of "fat" here and there.  However was this not something she could of lost through exercise and diet?  Moreover,  she re-constructed basically her whole face and enlarged her breast.  Was she so unhappy with the way her face physically looked that she felt the need to change it altogether to look like someone else?  At what point does this go from simply getting a little nip and tuck to having to take a whole new picture at the DMV because you physically no longer look like yourself?  Then after all is said and done with, does this type of aggressive decision make you happy? Not according to Mrs. Montag.  She went on record with the Daily Mail UK stated that she regrets her decision on having so many plastic surgeries done.  She recognizes that she was in an unhealthy mental or emotional state at that time and her decisions were based on poor judgement and as she claims "internet comments".  That is what I gathered from reading the article that she was not in a right mental head space to beginning with.  

Victoria Secret (VS) and Dove both have "Body Campaigns" for their brand.  Dove believes that real beauty is in every woman and VS believes that a healthy body regardless of shape is the right attitude.  Truth is both these campaigns represent what a typical female body looks like now these days.  From the skinny girl to an overweight one.  However the VS campaign got my attention in one thing. Not one of those girls have cellulite or fat rolls.  However in the Dove campaign if you look closely at the girls legs you can see the imperfections that exist on the majority of women regardless of size.  So is VS representation of women (even overweight ones) still realistic?

   

However VS also has another ad which says "....there really is a Body for Every Body".  These 7 women are suppose to represent seven different body types? Or seven different bra and pantie styles? Because if it is seven different body types, then I would like to know which one I and the rest of the population fall into.  More then half these women represent one body type to me which is extremely underweight and a to a point dangerous skinny. Yet I recently saw the VS fashion show and none of these girls looked as skinny as they do here in this ad.  However that is not to say they are not beautiful, photoshopped and all.  This is just to say that this ad only represents ONE type of female body and that is it. So again is this realistic or this is realistic of one type of body shape?  Don't get me wrong, I love VS everything, however at what point do the rest of us get included in their campaign?

Nonetheless, this type of thinking starts from a very young age.  Little girls (and boys now a days) are raised to believe that being skinny is beautiful and being fat is not. Even our kids toys are drawn and etched to either be perfectly skinny with great boobs or incredibility chiseled with massive amounts of muscle.  Don't  get me wrong, by no means am I prompting a fat lifestyle that is caused by unhealthy eating.  However, with that being said, being dangerously skinny is just as bad.  A happy medium needs to be reached and sadly it is not, not even with the dolls little boys and girls play with.

   

A graph released by rehabs.com revealed that if Barbie was real with her body measurements, she would not have any room for her liver and she would not be able to lift her head.  Since her measurements are so disproportionate, no real human being would be able to walk, talk or survive with a body like Barbie.  Thank God in recently years they made her hair shorter.  Because at that length and no head control I doubt she wouldn't of decapitated herself with the simple weight of her hair.  Moreover the original Barbie from years back was not this skinny or heavy chested.  So why has America's favorite doll been changed and sexualized to sport a more stripper like body?  Does this type of body image on a doll not affect the way young girls see themselves? 

However, what happens when we have a whole culture based around false beauty? When we hold beauty pageants to judge women solely based on what they look like and oh yeah talent?!  The average beauty pageant on the day of the contest has extensions put in her hair and eyelashes to give her a fuller look, yet waxes every single part of her body to get rid of all hair.  Wears flippers on her teeth in order to down a perfect smile.  Gets sprayed tanned from head to toe and wears more makeup on that day that it leaves Rue Paul wondering where his makeup bag went.  Once the pageant is all said and done with, none of these girls look like what they did on stage.  Nonetheless these are adults making conscience decisions to enter these pageants based on looks.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in freedom of everything.  So if as an adult you want to enter a beauty pageant then by all means more power to you!  However what happens when we take this a step further and start dressing children in this same manner.

Just ask yourself, is this ok with you? Whether it is or isn't, you need to really think on what message we are sending to little girls (and their parents) who enter these pageants and to those who watch them.  At what point do we draw the line when it comes to children?  At what point do we stop and think that allowing a child to be judged solely by her looks won't affect her point of view on herself.  Or that making her believe that she is prettier then any other little girl in that competition won't do a massive amount of damage to her self-esteem either now or later on in life.  And when she doesn't win then what do you say "sorry honey you weren't the prettiest girl today at the pageant?"

Dove decided to do a Real Beauty Sketch Campaign where they found a real forensic sketch artist to draw a group of women.  The women were asked to come to a place where they were to describe themselves to the forensic artist who would draw them based solely on their description of themselves.  However the catch was the forensic artist at no point actually physically saw what these women looked like.  They were separated so the artist only heard their voice and drew what they described to him of themselves.  After this, they were asked to come back and give a detail description of the person they were partnered up with (before this project started) to the forensic artist who again never saw them but only drew what was described to him. After the project was completed Dove put together the two pictures (the one where each woman described herself and the other one where someone else described what she looked like) and compared them.  What was noticeable in just about every picture is that the ones where the women described themselves, they all came out looking very unattractive and unappealing.  However the ones where others described them, they all looked realistic as to what each woman actually looks in real life.  This project showed what a negative view women have on themselves, yet they are able to compliment and have positive views of others.  It also showed how many women view themselves as ugly and unattractive when in reality this is far from the truth.

    

Kevin Aucoin once said "Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart."   Remember that true beauty is within and eventually reflects outward regardless of what you look like.  What you see on magazine covers and ads is not real.  What you see in your mirror everyday is and that's what you only have to work with.  How you use it, is up to you.  But if you truly believe you are ugly, no amount of makeup or plastic surgery will ever repair the hole in your heart that is causing your distorted view of yourself. 

And yes while I do write blogs on beauty and psychology, but just remember nothing I write here or ever write will recommend products to make a better you.  Bobbi Brown once said "The secret to beauty is simple—be who you are." A better you starts from within and that takes more then a little foundation and lipstick to fix if it is stained and broken.

Dayana

Dealing with the Winter Blues!

Do the Winter months get you down?  Do you find yourself more sad or less active during the winter not because its cold but because you have less drive or ambition to do anything?  Do the dark days make you feel depressed?

Well if this sounds like you, you could potentially be suffering from SAD which stands for Seasonal Affect Disorder or the winter blues. Normally in the winter it is dark like 24 hours a day 7 days a week with little to no sunlight (well not really but it feels that way) and it takes a toll on your mood and overall state. A medical or mental healthcare professional can help diagnose you if you are suffering from SAD's.  However there is hope and things you can do to help you elevate your mood!

Exercise! That's right you heard me! Get up off your butt and go workout.  Go for a run, walk or hit the gym.  Hell if its to cold outside, then workout at home in front of your TV.  If you own a gaming system now-a-days, you can even workout with it while game!  Point is do something that naturally raises your serotonin levels in your brain that will help to lift your mood and make you happy.

Getting Out! Yes while I will admit lately as NYC people say "its brick out there" (cold) that should not stop you from seeing your friends or going out and doing something.  The longer you stay at home with your curtains drawn and by yourself the harder it is to elevate your mood.  So go out with friends, see a movie, read a good book at your favorite coffee shop, or watch some tv at your friends place.  Do something that will motivate you to get out of the house or at least out of bed.

Eat Good Food! Don't sit at home eating high calorie high fat foods.  This only affects your mental state even more and adds to your winter blues when you realize that you are gaining weight.  Make sure during the winter you are eating good wholesome foods rich in complex carbs, Omega 3 and loaded with vitamins and minerals needed to keep a proper body and mind fit.

Beside exercise, eating good food, hanging out with great friends and doing other things that could lift your spirit, I recently came across this handy invention that has shown scientific proof to "lift your mood".

Its called a Happy Lamp :-) Also known as light therapy. 

Light therapy uses a special lamp (happy lamp) with a very bright fluorescent light (10,000 lux) to mimic light from the sun.  Since light is absent a lot during the winter months this lamp helps to bring some of it back in your life.  You simply use it once a day for 15 minutes.  You can use it in the morning while you are eating breakfast to save on time.  You simply put it on the table next to you, plug it in, turn it on and let it shine on you for 10-15 minutes.  Once you are doing eating, you turn it off, put it away and go about  your day.  You can also use it at night.  Its whatever works best for you.

 

Finally, if all else fails, you may consider getting therapy.  While SAD might not be a year around depression, nonetheless it can affect you greatly during the winter months.  Moreover, for those who only suffer from the winter blues but do not meet criteria for SAD, therapy is still beneficial.  Therapy isn't only for those who are considered "crazy" (as Hollywood likes to portrait it) or the insanely rich in Beverly Hills.  In therapy, your therapist can go over your current mood with you and see what can be done in order to help you cope during the dark winter months.  Some of the things mentioned above might work for you and others not so much.  Nonetheless, your therapist will evaluate you and see what type of treatment and resources are needed that can be tailored to you.  Therapy is for anyone who needs/wants it for their life.  For many, therapy is covered under their insurance plans or potentially their government benefits.  If you feel that you might benefit from therapy, then I would suggest you look into this for your better well being.   

So if you think you might be suffering for SAD's or just the blue due to the gloomy days, then go ahead and do something that could help to lift your spirits. While they say the winter only really last 3 months (but if you ask me, it feels like half the year!) no need to go those three months in a dark gloom.

So go ahead and try some of the suggestions mentioned above and see if they work. Before you know it, you will be feeling bubbly all over again, and then its summer and time to break out the sunscreen! Just make sure its UVA/UVB Broad Spectrum SPF 30 and up protection :) 

Keep Smiling!

DISCLAIMER: While Dayana is a Psychotherapist based in Toronto, she is NOT your psychotherapist. Please speak with your doctor or mental healthcare professional about any and all concerns you might have in regard to your mental or emotional states.  These are simply suggestions that you can do which you can talk to your mental healthcare professional about if they feel they are right for you.

 

Dayana 

Psychology Month!

In Canada, Psychology Month falls in February.  The goal is to raise awareness in regards to psychology and what the profession actually does.  Within the profession, you will find many different types of individuals who hold different titles who help promote mental health.  Social Workers, Psychiatrists, GP-Psychotherapist, Psychotherapists, Psychological Associates and the forerunners, Psychologists!  Psychology month was created in 2006 in order to allow those who work in the profession to help create and promote the craft and help spread and education those on mental health.

The main problem we have with society and mental health is the lack of awareness and education not to mention funding and access to services.  For many, the most they know about psychology and mental health are the movies and TV shows that Hollywood puts out. And while yes, in the last few years they have tried to become a bit (however not a lot) more accurate, it still doesn't change the fact that they have not helped with destroying the stigma that they have so magically created.   In just about every movie, a person with mental health issues is depicted as someone who is completely out of their mind.  So it makes me wonder, how much of the public really believes this and how has this affected their view in regards to those who suffer from mental health issues?

I am currently a psychotherapist studying to be a psychologist.  Nonetheless whenever people find out what I do for a living the first remark out their mouth is "oh so you deal with crazy people?!" Moreover, once they hear I do forensics, they start to quiz me like if I am on a "criminal minds" show.   Yet, very few people actually stop and ask me what is it that I actually do in the field of forensics or psychology in general.  However, here is some newsflash, none of us deal with crazy people.  However within the profession we do deal with people who have mental health issues which are part of their body making it a health issues.  So lets put it like this, if you had a broken leg or diabetes, would it be fair to say you are crazy for seeing your doctor for a health issue? I doubt it, anyone would raise any eyebrow if you stated that you were under the care of physician for your health issue. However if someone states they are under the care of a mental health profession, not only do the public's eyebrows get raised, but so do their backs.

I recently spoke to a person who told me that they were depressed a few years back and their doctor tried to put them on medication.  Their response was "I stood strong and didn't take any meds and didn't give in to that weakness".  I was shocked to hear that because last time I checked, taking medication for a health issues doesn't make you weak or crazy.  So why when it comes to the mind do we believe people are weak for taking psychotropic medications to potentially help treat or cure a mental health issue....when its still a health issue..period?!  If you had a blood infection, would you not take antibiotics to save your life?  Or would you still say no because "medication are for the weak?"  Why have we separated the body from the brain when both are still one?

 Based on this is why I believe people have a hard time understanding that mental health is no different then a bodily issues.  Both are health issues that are treated differently because they are associated in different regions within our anatomy.  Nonetheless, I am still one person with one body that has different components.   If your leg broke, or you caught a cold or developed an infection, no one would criticize you for seeking help.  Yet if someone goes for therapy for many it is looked down upon.  Again, why?

When I make breakfast in the morning, I like eggs.  The egg has a shell, a yoke and egg white.  Nonetheless, If I only make one egg though these three components exist within that egg, I still get only one egg.  Moreover everyone would think I was out of my mind if I tried to make them believe that this one egg is actually three eggs in one.  I see the body in the same way. Though I have two arms and legs, one torso and one brain, I am still one person.  So why try to separate someone and treat their mental health issues separately if they are all still health issues?  Why make them believe that their mental health issues are totally different then health issues?

However, the biggest issue currently that is being faced in Ontario, is the lack of access to mental health.  Unless one has insurance or willing to pay out of pocket, the Canadian universal health care system in Ontario (OHIP) does not provide funding UNLESS the mental health practitioner is a family doctor, Psychiatrist, or GP-Psychotherapist.   Problem we have here is that the average medical doctor had one rotation of mental health training during their residence which leaves them with very little knowledge.  While a psychiatrist is better trained, nonetheless the waiting list to see one is minimal a year.  GP-psychotherapist can been see as the "next best thing" when you have no private funding.  However their waiting list can be just as long as your average psychiatrist.   So while there are well trained psychologist willing, able and ready to see these patients, however no source of public funding from the government is actually available.   So either a psychologist agrees to see a patient either pro bono or on a reduced rate, or the person goes without treatment.   This situation puts both the psychologist and person in need up against a wall and hard place when funding is nowhere to be found.

I think it is important that the profession continues to promote awareness and help bring down the stigma , encourage the government to promote funding and better access to mental healthcare in order  to help treat those who are in need.  Moreover, to help educate the public on what psychology and mental health issues really are.   I also think it is in the public's best interest to seek information on the topic so they themselves can stop promoting the stigma associated with mental health issues and help raise awareness so that funds and better access to mental health care is available to all those in need.

Dayana